Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
