he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."