i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die