Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.

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  (703): help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help. http://tfl.nu/t5wn
  Replies (11) Good night (533) Bad night (1409) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

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  (845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg
  Replies (29) Good night (538) Bad night (1898) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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  (401): So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch" (401): So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim." (1-401): Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor. http://tfl.nu/7e2l
  Replies (26) Good night (2824) Bad night (923)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

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  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
  Replies (31) Good night (5892) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?

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  (651): Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup? http://tfl.nu/4ljj
  Replies (15) Good night (1592) Bad night (3476) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

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  (765): well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too. http://tfl.nu/2o1v
  Replies (16) Good night (4363) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

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  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
  Replies (29) Good night (5918) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.

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  (646): So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex. http://tfl.nu/jc5g
  Replies (8) Good night (5735) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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  (910): You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?" http://tfl.nu/kb6v
  Replies (12) Good night (5530) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.

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  (405): I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/on2x
  Replies (4) Good night (1223) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.

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  (202): There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again. http://tfl.nu/5erg
  Replies (18) Good night (2521) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.

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  (586): I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print. http://tfl.nu/m0e5
  Replies (6) Good night (1545) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?

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  (304): She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life? http://tfl.nu/58z3
  Replies (12) Good night (2069) Bad night (359)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.

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  (209): I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow. http://tfl.nu/kya1
  Replies (1) Good night (1126) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.

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  (479): I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital. http://tfl.nu/6mwi
  Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt

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