Buhtt sex?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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