At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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