we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
