k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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