forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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