I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Everclear isn't food dammit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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