I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
