Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
