I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
