Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
