from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
