so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You may now shotgun with the bride
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
