While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
