Farmville is her only friend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
