I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
