sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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