I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
