its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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