Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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