So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
