I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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