i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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