We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
