Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's always time for handjobs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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