I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
