i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
