Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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