dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
