she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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