why didn't you poke me back
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
