Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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