when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
