My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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