Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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