how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it glows. i had to have it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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