the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
