Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
