This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
