We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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