So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
