Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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