If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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