I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
