if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
