Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
