saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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