I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
