Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize

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(604): View more from British Columbia

We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think

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(971): View more from Oregon

Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster

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(360): View more from Washington

I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

(425): View more from Washington

I want to be you.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.

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(907): View more from Alaska

When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.

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(360): View more from Washington

He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head

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