walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
