i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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