Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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