How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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