made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
