Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
