While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
