Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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