why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
