How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
