she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
