i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
