You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
