thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize