How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
