she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
