Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
