It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
