Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
