you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
