Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i think my cat just said my name.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
