Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
