He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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