they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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