the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
