if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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