He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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