About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We are all done wearing pants today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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