His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
