Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This house was built for laser tag.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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