There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
