Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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