Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize