he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
