I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
