Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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