I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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