just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
